Why do people come into our lives?
Is there a lesson to be learned from everyone? Or is it just random chance that you meet in a moment of time?
I’d like to believe it.
As you may {or may not} know, my boyfriend Collin and I broke up at the beginning of February. I’m fairly certain I know exactly why he entered my life. And why he stayed.
I learned a million wonderful lessons from him and I grew immensely as a person over the course of our relationship.
Collin taught me about trust, creativity, loyalty, and never-ending drive.
He showed me how to stand up for myself.
He showed me intelligence is sexy.
He showed me some of the darker sides to life – places and ideas I’d previously avoided – through which, I have learned that I prefer to keep things on the lighter end of the spectrum.
I was there for him in sickness – swine flu and broken legs – and in health.
He was my best friend, and sometimes my only friend.
I grew up with Collin. I became a woman. Responsible. Caring. Present in my thoughts.
It’s quite possible that these attributes would have developed had he not been in my life, but since they all seemed to blossom during his era I must assume he has had some sort of impact on who I’ve become.
I devoted three years to a relationship that perhaps was doomed from the start, but for some reason remained. Remained, and lingered, and slowly deteriorated.
_____
Over the course of the past three years, I learned exactly the things I didn’t want, and the many things I absolutely could not settle on.
I learned I want to date someone more like me. Happy. Active. I want to go out and experience life. No more anger, poor eating, and night after night on the couch.
I learned I don’t want to be around someone who stresses all the small things.
I learned how I want to raise my kids.
Which lead me to another realization: I learned that I actually want to get married and have kids.
So what next?
How do I test these theories out?
Dating? Jumping into another relationship? Being single?
What happens when you think you have stumbled across someone that fits a good portion of these newly discovered criteria, but the timing is wrong, or you can’t figure out where you stand, or some other unexplained force is appears to be against you?
What’s the point? Is there a lesson I should be learning right now? Should I know why this person is in my life? Or is too soon to tell?
Perhaps, I am simply projecting my desire to know the future, to have some sort of stability and certainty… Lord knows, the whole DI waiting game is driving me nutty.
I’m craving a bit of forward momentum.
_____
Welp! I knew come the second day of Spring Break I would already be off my rocker. Ha!
I just got terribly nervous to post this.
Okay – *breathing* – I’m going to try and continue to take my own advice and Let It Be. And go for a run.
